Cycles

As some of you know, I've been on the job curcuit for a couple months now. I'll be graduating this summer and am looking for a faculty position for the fall. Yesterday, I got another letter of rejection. Actually, this was a really nice letter. The search committee chair was kind enough to send me an email explaining the decision. The department's decision to hire me was over-turned by the Provost of the university because of a technicality. This is really unusual as the department and dean's decision are rarely questioned. I am disappointed but in the end, I know that everything will work out. It always does. It's hard not to get discouraged though, partly because of the expectations I've had about finding a position. I've been told that there is a shortage of Ph.D. students in the field and that there is an exodus of professors. None of this is to my advantage at the moment. There's still another school I'm waiting to hear from so I've not given up. As my mom says, the gods want me somewhere else.

I am learning a lot right now.  I’m cultivating more patience lately. I think walking to school each day is good for me. it gives me the time to listen to the dharma talks and carry the messages throughout the day. Yes, there are still moments when I have expectations. I suppose that is normal.

What I’ve been learning lately is that all of me is okay. I used to think that I was really different from everyone, having all these different parts and emotions stir up when something happens, feeling a mix of emotions like equanimity and jealousy at the same time. Yet, I’m learning that all of this is okay.

The dharma talk I was listening to this morning was titled "Good Enough". The phrase that caught me was: Good enough is good enough. I don't have to push it. So true.

Everything happens in cycles, moment to moment.