Gaia Community: Wendy's Blog

Starting anew

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 07:45:01 GMT

"Let not your senses deceive, for even as the tempest may howl, just beyond
it lies a serenity that could not otherwise find you."

How apropos for my situation at the moment. Life is full of change at the
moment; hence my absence from zaadz. I arrived in California on Saturday evening, moved into my apartment on Sunday and have been busy unpacking. For a while there, it seemed like my apartment threw up all over the place. Now there's only vomit in my living room. I'm adjusting to smaller living quarters.

Garbie, my fish is doing well. He made it across 6 states in the car!! What
a trooper!

There are times when it's very surreal. I wake up and there are mountains on
either side of my window apartment and palm trees everywhere. The weather
here is extraordinary, warm in the day and cool at night. That's one thing I
don't miss about Nebraska, the heat and humidity.

I think I'm getting too old to be moving around. It's been lonely at times,
terrifying and frustrating, and exciting. For the most part, I think I'm just really tired. I just need to remember that what doesn't get done today can wait for
tomorrow. Patience. Not my strongest virtue.

Tags: moving, California, change

Celebrating

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 14:35:51 GMT

Well, I defended my dissertation yesterday. I passed. It seems surreal still. I'm still revelling in the feeling of relief and happiness.

I know that this endeavour would not have been possible without the support and love of so many people. I have an enormous sense of gratitude at the moment for everyone in my life, including you. I feel very blessed and so I share this blessing with all of you who come across this blog. Bright blessings everyone!

Tags: dissertation, defense, gratitude, love

Seat Change

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 13:55:13 GMT

This was sent to me by a friend. What small steps are taken to achieve freedom for us all.
************************
This scene took place on a British Airways flight between Johannesburg, South Africa and London.

A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man. Very disturbed by this, she called the hostess. "You obviously do not see it then?" she asked. "You placed me next to a black man. I did not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat."

"Be calm plase," the hostess replied. "Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is availbale."

The hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later. "Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in Economy Class. I spoke to the captain and he informed me that there is also no seat in Business Class. All the same, we still have one place in First Class."

Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued, "It is not usual for our company to permit someone from Economy Class to sit in First Class; however, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting."

She turned to the man and said, "Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage. A seat awaits you in First Class."

At that moment, the other passengers who had been shocked by what they had just witnessed, stood up and applauded.

Tags: British Airways, racism

What is your greatest struggle?

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 13:24:25 GMT

Letting go

Tags: QaR, struggles, trials, growth

What's your number one goal for today?

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Mon, 28 May 2007 18:08:06 GMT

To be awake in each moment....and finish my discussion chapter of my dissertation!

Tags: QaR, goals, today

Being present

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Thu, 24 May 2007 14:45:21 GMT

I've not blogged a lot recently or trolled around the zaadz corridors. My apologies for not keeping up with everyone.

I had a great yoga class last night. I've been going to this one person who I have felt a great attraction toward. She has a lot of wisdom and compassion. It's wonderful to meet a teacher who has these qualities, especially here in Lincoln (no offense to Lincolnites).

We've been practicing a lot on staying present. There are four emotions that I tend to have: hope, fear, regret, and attachment. Hope and fear are emotions I experience when I am living in the future. Regret and attachment are emotions I experience when I live in the past. It would seem so easy to stay present but it's a constant struggle, especially during these months of change that are occuring in my life. Those glimpses of emptiness or vastness are ever so short.

Tags: yoga, emotions, hope, fear, regret, attachments, being present

Job Update - Lessons Learned

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 17:29:02 GMT

Well, it's decided. I accepted the position and am moving to California in a few months. They offered me something that was acceptable and within the range I was wanting. I am excited about the changes that are upcoming.

Thank you to everyone who stopped by and commented on my dilemma blog. Sandra made a great comment in my previous blog about the lessons of her friend. I fully agree. I think this process has really taught me a lot about living in integrity and authenticity. The job and the money were peripheral to this experience. This was an opportunity to put into practice what I have been integrating into my life over the past year, to stand in my own power and as Jeremiah says, to live in integrity with my Self.

A friend of mine reminded me of the difference between being kind and being nice. I think that most of my life has been to try to be a nice person. I am now learning the difference between these two words. He said, "Kind is the actualization of Truth". I agree with this. I realise that the truth is different for everyone but the universal Truth is always there for us to tap into. What I have learned in all of this is to trust in my intention to live in Truth.

Tags: job, update, California, being kind, being nice, Truth, integrity, Self

Dilemna

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 17:00:40 GMT

So the job saga continues...I have been offered a position by another university. Yeah! I'm excited about this opportunity. The down side of things is that the salary they offered me doesn't take into consideration the cost of living or the experience I have. I will counter their offer but there is a part of me that is in a bit of a dilemna about all of this: I know I can make a valuable contribution to the department and to the field I'm in BUT does asking for more money seem to be too greedy and opportunistic? I have this do-gooder personality in me that says "It doesn't matter, as long as you do good for other people". Then there's another part of me that says, "but what about doing good for yourself?"

I would love to hear people's opinions about this. And as a side note, I just wish the job process was a lot easier!

Also, if anyone has any tips on how to negotiate, I would greatly appreciate your suggestions.

Tags: jobs, salaries, conflict, value

Cycles

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 15:57:17 GMT

As some of you know, I've been on the job curcuit for a couple months now. I'll be graduating this summer and am looking for a faculty position for the fall. Yesterday, I got another letter of rejection. Actually, this was a really nice letter. The search committee chair was kind enough to send me an email explaining the decision. The department's decision to hire me was over-turned by the Provost of the university because of a technicality. This is really unusual as the department and dean's decision are rarely questioned. I am disappointed but in the end, I know that everything will work out. It always does. It's hard not to get discouraged though, partly because of the expectations I've had about finding a position. I've been told that there is a shortage of Ph.D. students in the field and that there is an exodus of professors. None of this is to my advantage at the moment. There's still another school I'm waiting to hear from so I've not given up. As my mom says, the gods want me somewhere else.

I am learning a lot right now. I’m cultivating more patience lately. I think walking to school each day is good for me. it gives me the time to listen to the dharma talks and carry the messages throughout the day. Yes, there are still moments when I have expectations. I suppose that is normal.

What I’ve been learning lately is that all of me is okay. I used to think that I was really different from everyone, having all these different parts and emotions stir up when something happens, feeling a mix of emotions like equanimity and jealousy at the same time. Yet, I’m learning that all of this is okay.

The dharma talk I was listening to this morning was titled "Good Enough". The phrase that caught me was: Good enough is good enough. I don't have to push it. So true.

Everything happens in cycles, moment to moment.

Tags: disappointment, cycles, rejection, patience

Some thoughts in the shower this morning

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Sat, 10 Mar 2007 16:48:31 GMT

Good morning! I sometimes think that my best thoughts are when I'm in the shower. My friend Dave would say that this is another indication of how water plays in my life. Anyway, I was reflecting on this community here at Zaadz. I am truly amazed at the openness and the warm hearts that are here. I blogged about recommendations for places to stay in San Jose a couple days ago. I sheepishly deleted the blog because it didn't fit with my purpose in blogging. Regardless, I received emails from people who read the team blog (thanks to Siona for posting it there) and offered their places for me to stay. I truly thank them from the bottom of my heart. I am touched and as an added bonus, I have made some new friends!

I remember when I first signed on board, almost a year in April. I was going through a difficult time in my life and was searching for some solace. I found that in this community. Over time, there were friendships developed that helped me on my healing path. I was enthusiastic to sign in each day to communicate with my friends and check out new blogs and new peeps. Zaadz has developed over the past year in many wonderful ways but my enthusiasm waned, especially in the past couple months. I think it might have to do with the season; I was retreating into myself. I had even contemplated leaving this community but thought I'd just wade it out. I'm glad I did. I realised this morning that I really love this community. I don't mean the giddy love that I had when I first signed on but just love without expectations or conditions. I guess it's like developing a relationship or friendship. When the initial attraction with its roller coster full of emotions subsides, there is this deeper sense of communion. That's what I've found here. I am no longer seeking solace but true connections with people.

Tags: zaadz, community, connections, love

Love

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 18:57:26 GMT

Happy Valentines Day everyone!! I usually dislike this day, a day to make single people feel more isolated. This year, though, I am feeling the Love. No, I'm not in a relationship but that doesn't mean that I don't have Love in my life. There is so much Love all around.

Wishing you all much Love and Laughter today!

Tags: Love, Valentine's day

Compassion

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 16:13:05 GMT

Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity. --Pema Chodron

This quote really speaks to me this morning. I love Pema Chodron and all of her writings. There is so much truth to this quote. I have a lot of empathy for people and this empathy stems from the experiences I've had in my life. "Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others." Who's heart does not also hurt when we see the heartbreak of a friend? How many of us do not understand the loneliness we see around us? How many of us cannot relate to the disappointment of not getting that promotion?

I've not blogged much in the past month. Perhaps it's because it's winter and like a bear, I've been hibernating. I think I've been integrating all the lessons that have been unfolding. But this quote reminded me of our shared humanity and that we are all on the same path.

Tags: compassion, Pema Chodron

Five Things You Didn't Know About Me

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 22:55:43 GMT

Five Things You Don’t Know About Me…

I’ve been tagged by littlefish. Here are some things you might not have known about me.

1)    I attended the world premier of Captain Corelli’s Mandolin in London after answering a trivia question from a radio show. I walked the same red carpet as Nicholas Cage and Penelope Cruz.
2)    I saw Tom Jones in concert in Cardiff, Wales and threw my underwear at him – okay it was a spare pair I brought with me as I’m too practical to take off my underwear at a concert.
3)    I love stationary. I can spend hours at Staples or paper stores – free entertainment for a student. When I was younger, I wanted to own a stationary store. I might still one day but in the meantime, I love sending and receiving letters.
4)    I have no cavities or fillings.
5)    My favorite word in the English language is “water”. I just love the sound of all the phonemes rolling off your tongue. I love it when it’s said with an English accent.

Now, you’re it:
Kira
WhereAmI
Laurie
Are
Joy Bringer

********************
Update Jan 15, 2007

I have also been tagged by Dave and Nicole so accordingly, I can tag more people. Here's an update to my list of peeps. BTW - I love this game because I am finding out some neat things about people!!

Jon Dox
Max
Eduardo
April
Kaleidoscope Eyes

P.S. C4 SAYS, For those who got tagged and had blogged their Five Things, make sure you tag your blog post with ”Five Things”. Why? So everyone can see your post when they go to this URL: http://www.zaadz.com/blog/tags/five+things

Tags: five things, update

Freedom

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 18:20:50 GMT

Freedom is the wisdom to choose wisely ~ Joseph Goldstein

Image source

Tags: freedom, wisdom, choice

Authenticity

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Wed, 20 Dec 2006 11:28:42 GMT

“This above all—to thine own self be true” ~ Shakespeare

This past summer, I made an intention to live a more authentic life. Sounds easy enough, right? I didn't realise it would be as difficult as I had originally thought. Being true to who I am and living my life with true intentions that are exhibited through my words, thoughts and actions are not easy tasks. This morning, I got an email (below) that reminded me that the path of authenticity is not always a smooth path.

With the obligations of the holiday season and the mass media that associates gift giving and get togethers with good times and being loved, I am reminded of my intention to live an authentic life. My challenge these days is to go beyond the social conditioning with which I have been brought up. Today, I am thinking, speaking and acting from my heart center and not from a place of obligation. The Universe has been providing me with many opportunities to live an authentic life. For that I am grateful.

**********************************************************************
Authenticity

“The highest courage is to dare to appear to be what one is.”
-John Lancaster Spalding

The key word here is “appear.” So many times it’s just easier to put on a mask, to play a role, to go along with what is expected of us. But the courage is in being authentic, in being true to ourselves and our convictions. Being true to ourselves is one thing – but showing the world who we are is another. Do we dare risk judgement? When we are authentic we answer to ourselves, we know that to appear to be anything other, anything less than “what one is” is heart-breaking.
-Lissa Coffey

Tags: Authenticity

Away

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 06:40:42 GMT

I am back home in Canada at the moment so my access to the internet will be inconsistent over the next couple weeks. I will eventually write back to those who have mailed me.

There is nothing like being home again, especially for the holidays. I miss the snow and there is tons of it!! I haven't been back home in the winter for two years now so manouvering on the roads is something I'm getting used to again. Good thing you who don't live in Edmonton :-)

Happy Holidays everyone!!

Tags:

Wisdom and Compassion

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Sun, 10 Dec 2006 15:30:48 GMT

This was from Tricycle's Daily Dharma. It struck a chord with me.

Happy Sunday!

Blessings,
Wendy

********************************
How to Make Our Lives An Embodiment of Wisdom and Compassion

By Christina Feldman and Jack Kornfield, Stories of the Spirit, Stories of the Heart

How to make our lives an embodiment of wisdom and compassion is the greatest challenge spiritual seekers face. The truths we have come to understand a need to find their visible expression in our lives. Our every thought, word, or action holds the possibility of being a living expression of clarity and love. It is not enough to be a possessor of wisdom. To believe ourselves to be custodians of truth is to become its opposite, is a direct path to becoming stale, self-righteous, or rigid. Ideas and memories do not hold liberating or healing power. There is no such state as enlightened retirement, where we can live on the bounty of past attainments. Wisdom is alive only as long as it is lived, understanding is liberating only as long as it is applied. A bulging portfolio of spiritual experiences matters little if it does not have the power to sustain us through the inevitable moments of grief, loss, and change. Knowledge and achievements matter little if we do not yet know how to touch the heart of another and be touched.

Tags: Buddhism, dharma, Tricycle, wisdom, compassion, spirituality

Awed

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Fri, 08 Dec 2006 15:54:12 GMT

As I was reading the blogs from my friends this morning, I was struck with an immense sense of awe. I am amazed at all the wonderful writings of each person in this community. Thank you all for sharing your stories, quotes, politics, websites, books, interviews, videos, songs....it goes on.

With Gratitude....

Tags: gratitude, blogs, friendship

Reflections on the past year

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Sat, 25 Nov 2006 16:44:40 GMT

Tomorrow is my birthday. I get very nostalgic and sentimental at this time of year. As I look back on this past year, I am grateful for every moment I've had. I am grateful for the challenges, lessons and joy I'm experiencing. I am grateful for all the people who have touched my life - all the kind acts and words, all the challenges, all the heartache, all the different points of view have all lead me to this path. I am grateful for this life.

Tags: birthday, life, gratitude

Personal Dharma

http://wquach88.gaia.com — Mon, 13 Nov 2006 20:34:19 GMT

Here's another great article from Yoga Journal. It relates to what I wrote in my last blog about following my bliss and listening to that little voice inside and doing what is right for you, not for anyone else.

Your personal dharma is the path you follow toward the highest expression of your own nature and toward the fulfillment of your responsibilities to yourself, to others, to your society, and to the planet...and for most of us, personal dharma comes down to that most basic question: What is the right thing for me to do now? or, Given my nature, my skills, and my personal preferences, what actions should I take to support the greater good?

Tags: personal dharma